Speaking in Tongues

To begin with, I'd like to apologize ahead of time for submitting everyone to this little rant.  But I simply cannot help myself.

I like to consider myself to be a fairly good writer.  Most everyone who has ever been required to write a paper for school (college or otherwise) has the capability to write intelligently (at least in a technical sense) or, if that is asking too much, at least have a third party correct their mistakes.    Likewise, it is really very simple to proof-read ones own writing.  I mean, why would someone let others read what they have written if it's going to paint them as an illiterate ignoramus?   Now don't get me wrong.  Nobody's perfect; we all make mistakes.  Sometimes it's very easy to miss a mistake or two, even after proof-reading more than once.  But seriously.  Most writing programs have some sort of spelling and grammar checker, and if they don't there are free programs online that will do the job for you, like www.spellcheck.net.  So why do so many seem to not use them?

This is where I point out one of the pastimes I spend so much time on:  reading (specifically fanfiction).  

Now there are some incredibly talented fanfiction writers out in the world wide web.  When you've finished reading something they've written, you think, "This person should get published."  But unfortunately, the bad far outweighs the good.  And a prime place to find examples of such less than stellar writing is www.fanfiction.net.   And doubly unfortunate is the fact that there are many of these fics populating MY favorite fandoms, such as Naruto and other anime.  

I've come across several fics that were brought down in quality simply from spelling errors and questionable grammar.  Had they been corrected, they would have been rather enjoyable stories.  But even those fics have nothing on some the drivel that calls the web home.  Now some might argue that the authors of these fics can be forgiven (or perhaps just given leeway) due to their probable age.  "Oh, the author's probably just a kid." or "It's just some pre-teen."  That's very likely true in a lot of cases.  It's also just as likely not true.  However, in my mind, that's no excuse for writing sheer and utter CRAP.  When I was a kid, I had a pretty good grasp of the English language and how to use it; that's what we all went to school for, afterall.  And if I had trouble with the spelling of a word?  Why I just asked dear old Merriam-Webster!  Later on, I had spell-check, a phenomenally easy program to use.  Additionally, I usually give my writing a once-over, at the least, just in case spell-check missed something (such as those correctly-spelled words that, nevertheless, just aren't right).

So let's take a gander at Exhibit A:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4352982/1/Naruto_Sisters

(Word of warning:  if you actually attempt to read this story, make sure to have an emergency eye-wash kit, brain-bleach, and a bottle of tequila on hand.  But please, be gentle; it's their "frist" story.)

The basic premise of the story is that everyone's favorite hyperactive ninja has two heretofore unknown beautiful (mustn't forget that) half-sisters, Hikaru and Toshie.  These Sues (who are probably self-inserts of the fic's two teeny-bopper authors) sail in on a tide of bad spelling and god-awful grammer to dazzle the citizens of Konoha, beat-down that "stuped" and OOC bitch Sakura, and sweep the Uchiha brothers off their respective feet. 

Okay.  Let's say that I actually, gag, like Mary Sue fics.  I still would suffer horrendously from trying to read this story.  It is riddled with spelling errors and confusion of homophones (your instead of you're, for example).  Then comes the grammar.  First off, a good portion of the sentences aren't actually complete.  Many lack such necessities as pronouns and punctuation.  There is a constant flow of confused verb tenses and a criminal abuse of the CAPS lock (with a dash of underlining, bolding, and italics for flavor).  Last but not least is a distinct lack of use of the enter key.  The rules for creating a new paragraph should be pretty simple, even for a 13 year old. And that's another thing; at the end of the first chapter, the authors say they are considering changing the rating from T to M.  What the hell is a 13 year old doing writing what will no doubt be attempted hot steamy sex scenes?  Seriously.  (And no, I'm not making a guess as to the author's age.  Provided she's not lying, her profile clearly states, like an idiot, that she is only 13.)  Needless to say, I did not read past the first chapter.  In fact, the only reason I read the whole chapter was because it was so incredibly bad that it was actually funny.

These authors must surely be at least somewhat versed in the use of a computer, as they have managed to write and post a story on the net.  So what's so difficult in hitting that little button with abc and a check mark on it?  That alone would have, while not completely salvaged the fic, at least made it a little more bearable.  Also readily available are those sainted individuals known as "betas".  Fanfiction.net even provides a beta service whereby intrepid writers can make their skills available to help fellow authors refrain from making total fools of themselves.  But who knows; maybe there is yet to be a soul brave enough to make it past the stage consisting of gibbering in mindless terror after being subjected to this fic and others like it. 

And just think:  yes, these authors are kids.  But there are plenty more authors with skills equaling these girls who are not, in fact, children.  Scary thought, isn't it?  As for ESL writers and those with learning disabilities, well sure, they get some leeway.  But there are plenty of great authors whose fics I've read who deal with such difficulties.  

So what in the world is the reason for such a terrible decline in basic writing skills?  Honestly, I couldn't give you a sure answer.  But I have my theories.   

Number one is that, if you're a good reader (and possibly a voracious one), you will likely be a good writer.  It's a lot easier to remember how a sentence goes together and how things are spelled if you've seen them a million times.  Of course many of you may look back at all those reading assignments from English class and remember how boring and torturous they were (maybe you're still suffering through them).  I know that a lot of my peers hated reading.  Consequently, they also didn't do so hot on writing assignments.  

Number two is, if the general entries on forums and many other places on the web are an indication, rapid fire chat speak is taking over the world.  Even if I weren't a fairly quick typist, I would at least write correctly.  Even in a chat room, and especially on a forum.  Maybe some of that tendency to slice and dice grammar for the sake of convenience is bleeding into online prose.  I can't really say.  All I know is that those of us who use correct grammar and spelling seem to be falling into the minority.  And honestly?  It drives me freaking insane.

So what started this little diatribe?  Why discovering the delightfully mean super-flamer Flame Rising. (http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1223755/Flame_Rising)  I myself am not a flamer.  I suppose this is likely because the minute I see a fic that fills me with dread (most commonly grammar induced) I flee for safety.  This guy may be a harsh, bastard of a flamer, but all the same,  I can't help but love him for it.  Truly.